If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
