is your mom at the bar?
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Randomize
