She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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