But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
The adults are the big ones right?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
