2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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