Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize