peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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