I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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