Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Can you bring me the toilet please
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
