Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
