when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
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