uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize