So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
