if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
