my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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