no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
