just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
