Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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