a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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