Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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