you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
