I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize