i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
