Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
