I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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