I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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