I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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