i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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