i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
