So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
