Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Randomize