dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
