So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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