Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
