FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
