you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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