I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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