This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
So vagazzling was a success
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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