Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
It was confusing and full of hummus
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
