watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
