porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Semen is not good for contacts.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize