Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I'm at about main and main street
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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