You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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