she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize