its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
