Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
