when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
