Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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