I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
