Whatcha textin bout Willis?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
