all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
