if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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