someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
