It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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