i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
