please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You need a sexual gate keeper
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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