Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
