i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
