There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
