So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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