Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
