Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Randomize